these are the beginnings to the novels i'll never write.

these are the beginnings to the novels i'll never write.
three hundred sixty five stories that begin and never end.

Blog Archive

Friday, April 30, 2010

Muse 86: Flight

found via sadbats

I've been asked what it feels like to be in love. I asked them how they know, and they said, "It's the way you smile. The way you move when he's around, I can just tell. Your eyes light up." And I kind of understand what they mean. I feel like stars fill my body and there's no way I can fall. "Sometimes when you walk there's a skip." I think they call it walking on sunshine or floating on clouds. "And you've just been so happy lately, I hope he's good to you." And that's when my face fell. I wished they didn't say anything because... the truth is - He just made me feel this way by being there, and it would feel worse whenever he mentioned other girls.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Muse 85: Shelter

found via jessgn

I loved his shoulder. Every time we sat next to each other, his shoulder was always in the corner of my eye like a boulder, a shadowy block that obstructed the sunset. I felt a crick grow in my neck and a strain that made my shoulders sore. And his shoulders looked so sturdy, so calm against the moving skies; I wanted to lean into it, rest my tired head while we sat still. I was a broken metronome failing to move to the beat, stuck on one end, but it was the good end. He moved into closer and I didn't have to struggle at all. Like a scoop to a spoon, a cheek in a palm, I closed my eyes and rested exactly where I wanted to be.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Muse 84: Vienna

found via Lissy Elle

"I'm trying to find that balance," she said quietly as she picked at the hem of her dress. Her frown looked heavy enough to make the world crumple, and there was a pain in her neck. She sighed, looking up at him with bright eyes. "You know that balance between hello and goodbye? That place where I wake up and I don't feel like everything is over or just begun - I just wake up and ... " The words were tying her up in strange knots that she couldn't describe, couldn't fix and now they were messing the relationship. She was lost and couldn't tell him how much he meant to her, and he knew what she was trying to say. He grabbed her cool, wandering hands and held them tightly. 

"I am your balance." 

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Muse 83: Heels

found via weheartit

This was her secret past time; he was her secret way to past time. He kept the key underneath the carpet, but she never touched it until he went away. Each day she stroked the ridged ends, wondering if she should take the risk, and when she did, the interior shocked her. The beautifully adorned room had the loveliest wallpaper pattern. One could spin and become dazed, lost in the maze as it lead her straight down to the bedroom. Curiousity wrecked her mind as she danced around the edges, afraid to see what was inside. Today was the day, the time, the day to discover what was inside. The dark was encroaching upon her, from behind and in front, and she looked in, gasping. She fled quickly, forgetting to lock the doors, to wipe away her mark, as she ran back into her house. Leaning against the safety of her door, she couldn't help but feel a little jealous of the bonded woman who had no feet to run.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Muse 82: Birds

found via brightdawns

I hated her, I hated how she seemed to act as if she represented mankind, humanity, as if her thoughts were running along some frequency that everyone - but me - was logged onto. It's freedom we deserve, she always said, we shouldn't be oppressed with this government bullshit. Sometimes I would tell her to just be grateful, be aware of how much freedom we actually got in America, but she snapped at me, quoting from the terrible book about being some sort of flower. "We have what we have," she snapped, "and so what's the point in comparing it to others?" She always made more sense than I wanted to credit her for, so I let the argument slide. And I told her that I didn't want to talk about it anymore, so she dropped the topic and turned on her television and we flipped through all 500 channels. 

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Muse 81: Angels

found via mrgolightly

We thought the angels would save us. Could save us. We misinterpreted their wings for mechanics of flight, when the truth has always been heaven is earth. They were swooping up to bring us to hell. We always believed that we could go higher, build of tower of Babel and find God sitting in the heavens, but we forgot that the tower was never completed, and God doesn't walk among men. We forget that the angels wield swords and protect Eden from wanderers. We forget many things as the world grows silent, and we rule with our desires prioritized first. We live among men, pretending to be gods, and we forget that after our lives, our children's will follow. We keeping moving, keep climbing up stairs that rotate downwards, and think that when we fall, angels will come save us. 

At most, they weep.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Muse 80: The Ring

He asked for sex after he finally put his Blackberry away. Recently the days feel longer while our relationship feels shorter, but somehow there's always time for sex. When our bare skin is touching, the moment is silent, and it seems like this deep rooted intimacy is the only time we can come together without any distractions. For once he chooses to ignore the vibrations from his phone and the way it rings incessantly. It bothers me though. I can't think about him with the constant buzzing. Even when I wrap my legs around him, I can't stop wondering who is calling. How important is the call? He moves faster, and I wonder if it's because of his urgency to climax or answer the phone. 

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Muse 79: Mask

found via bloodmilk

There were a lot of emotions meant to be explained. A lot of feelings and questions that were supposed to be made clear once there was a solution that threaded everything together like a patchwork quilt. Contrasting fibers, mismatched patterns and colors blended into one perfect mess that was warm, cozy and tucked me in so well at night. At least, that's what he used to feel like to me. I used to feel safe and comforted, swaddled in blankets, but now I find myself panicking every second of it all. I looked at myself in the mirror, and noticed that I hadn't seen myself clearly in a long time. There isn't much of me left. I don't feel safe around him anymore. 

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Muse 78: Simple

found via Tyler Landes

There was still something different about her. Nothing about her face, her voice or the way she dressed begged for attention, but there was still something that drew him to her. He didn't understand it until he stood outside in his backyard. The trash cans piled up around him, waiting to be moved as someone else's problem. He craned his neck upwards and looked at the sky where a million stars were waiting for him. The answer dawned on him as he felt calm for the first time in his hectic life schedule. The stars, yellow on blue, were simple as black and white.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Muse 77: Air City

found via weheartit

It was only mid-October. The skies were clear, no hint of dusty grey or murky yellow, and not a single cloud in sight. We stared at the sky while we rested on our backs, loving the way the sun didn't blind our eyes. You were beside me, so close and barely touching, and my neck craned to be close to your shoulder. I swear my neck was cramping up from wanting to rest against you. I wonder what you'll say if I decide to close my eyes and keep you close. You're always near, but never close enough, but then again, you're just enough. I don't need a sunrise or a sunset when I'm with you; just a sky and our hands barely as we point simultaneously at whatever passes. We're barely touching, the intensity caught in my chest - we're barely touching - and there's enough air between our hands to make build a city. 

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Muse 76: Dusk/Dawn

found via baanbrekend

At that moment, all you could hear were the crickets. I felt the wetness of the cold stone wall start to seep slowly through my pants. The chirping was an orchestra of ticking clocks, as it died down, the sun began to rise. In the distance, the sky was slowly turning into a watercolor wash of orange, purple and blue. I forgot if the sun rose from the east or west, but I marveled at how the light is in the skies. The light always wins, and darkness loses like a wimp, letting go of its reign so freely. Then again, winning isn't forever and during the deep PM, the skies turn black. Sometimes though, I forget which time belongs to which and when I look up, I realize that it's dusk and the sun is setting. The light was dimming.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Muse 75: Conquer

found via sandy

The secret that no one ever revealed to him was the same secret that no one truly knew. He understood that his two scrawny arms, and even his body, probably one that rivaled Tom Sawyer's, could not hold up the world. As he stood on the hill that overlooked the Hollywood Bowl and the other million scattered lights, like stars, across the city, he wondered sadly why stories of Atlas existed, and more importantly, why nobody listened to them. He was pretty sure, even more sure, that the world was so heavy that only anti-gravity could hold it down, that nobody was meant to bear the world on their shoulders. The truth was, he realized, as he titled forward on his toes, feeling the cool summer breeze brush up against his neck, the secret behind it all was not how to rule the world. It was always light the city. 

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Muse 74: Got Milk?

found via jawshbates

Milk isn't necessary, you know. It's liquid cream that contributes to nothing but fat and bones. I don't know why my parents made me drink it when I was young; they had me drinking organic whole milk so fatten me up like a cow, but as I grew older milk felt thick and filmy in my throat. So I switched to two percent and noticed that it ran much more smoothly, it was easier and less complicated. When I got to middle school, I noticed that the girls around me were drinking 1%. At first I hated it, it tasted like water and I thought I might as well buy 2% and mix it myself, but I grew used to the change in high school and stuck to it. The thought of going back to 2%, or dare me - whole milk - was too much for my throat to handle, so I stayed with 1% until someone introduced skim milk. This was the type that wouldn't put weight on me at all, and I loved it because everything was easier. Then college came and I realized that I didn't need milk at all - they offered soy in the dining halls. Within a month, I kissed goodbye to skim... 1%... 2% ... my virginity, and the thought of ever being whole again.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Muse 73: Lean on Me

I was worried the first time she asked me to bring her out. "I'm ready, James," she said, her eyes twinkling mischievously. I hated when she did that. That starry, misty eyed gaze, coupled with her soft lips drove me insane and I couldn't say no. So I said yes and we drove to the beach that she loved so much. She wore her white sundress that looked more like a slip than something presentable. I pushed her around in her wheelchair, and she looked as heavenly as an angel. Then the wheels started to slow down and it became harder to push through the wet sand. 

Amy sighed. "Help me, James. I want to try." 

A part of me didn't want her to try at all. I thought if she got up, it would be like the blind seeing again. There was a world out there, a world so tantalizing that she would run free from her cage, like a bird and never return. She wobbled slowly like an calf steadying itself for the first time. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the armrest tightly, and waited. "James?" 


"Help me." 

She took my hands and guided them to her waist. "I can't walk without you," she said softly, not daring to take a step and letting her entire weight rest in my weak arms. 

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Muse 72: Path

credit joann lee

He entered gently, breaking the shadows into planes. There wasn't much in the room to begin with. A dying chair, a broken piano and the tiles on the floor which were from the 1980s. The landlord seemed to be proud of that fact, vintage, couture artifacts, he had declared, as if those words could make this dingy place any better. Living here was the equivalent of living in a storage room, all he had to do was sit and become one with the furniture. But this was all he could afford. This was all he understood when he remembered that just across the block lived the girl of his dreams. Seeing her was like opening a door into a dark room with nothing but a piano and a broken chair. Then again, to him, the light was a pathway and the shadows stayed out. 

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Muse 71: On the Line

found via ahmebertiee

"You'll get electrocuted," he cried out as Amelie climbed the ropes. Her limbs, trained by the awkward career of pole dancing, were nimble as she maneuvered smoothly with no regard to the danger. As she shook the ropes, the birds flew away. They flew straight towards the sky as Amelie twisted her body among the wires. Somehow she fit right on top, the wires supported her weight, and she sat like a queen over a nest. His worries faded as he stood below her in awe. She could fall so easily but she never did.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Muse 70: Immunity

found via pixie

No, I do believe you when you say you're toxic. How hard can it be when you look at me like that, ready to submerge yourself into a sea of opportunities. A part of me wants to let you fall deep into that abyss, a place you can't crawl out of, so that I can give others a concrete example of what not to be. You're wearing your garter and lingerie socks that will drive any guy wild. The eye makeup and lipstick is more than an invitation for a one night stand. They'll keep you up until morning, and you won't be walking shamefully as you leave. I watch you pull over that dress. You're toxic alright, you're going to destroy them and leave them heartbroken, but I saw you look in the mirror this morning too. You're not that immune.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Muse 69: In the Dark

He could barely make out the edges that framed her silhouette. If it weren't for the glowing light behind her, illuminating the shape of her, he wouldn't have seen her at all. As he approached her carefully, the steps of a hunter searching for his prey, he watched the smile grow on her face. She had been waiting, god knows how long, waiting specifically for him. And suddenly it didn't matter to her, or him, how long they had been waiting, or of the arguments that were weaved into all the shadows. All that mattered was the light behind her, and the light separated her from the dark. He loved how she softly began visible to his sight with each closing step. 

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Muse 68: Pretty for You

Baby you were so beautiful, he said as he held her limp wrists. His fingers could wrap themselves around those bones a thousand times over, like the sorry that wouldn't change a thing. The only spark in her eyes were the ones that burned for him, and they were far from dying. Her pupils glowed brightly with a mischievous quirk that made him love her all the more. Love filled his chest like an oxygen mask, and he reached forward to swipe her ratted blonde hair from her face. The strands felt like hay to his touch, yet she was still beautiful, and those strands could be spun into gold if she tried. He pushed her hair back and his fingers brushed eerily against hard bone. Her body had begun to eat itself out. There was no more of his love to consume.